Our two children receiving the blessings of their elders at their Hindu coming of age ceremonies.
Rituals can help kids integrate both traditions.
Raising kids in two religious traditions can be quite challenging. Honoring both parents, making the grandparents happy, trying to fit it all into an already busy schedule can seem daunting. With all the challenges, many families just give up on the tradition and give in to the desire to not do anything. But in the end, wrestling to redefine what these rituals mean to our kids will benefit everyone. When we learn how to balance these different aspects of our lives, it models navigating complex situations to our children. The hassle is totally worth it.
Make the time to walk with your kid on their faith journey.
When we celebrate Deepavali every year, we focus on what we will give.
It starts with birthdays. In India the question is, “What will you give in honor of your birthday?” In America the question is, “What will you get for your birthday?” Getting versus giving, this is the fundamental shift in understanding between our competing cultures of Indian values verses American values. In our multicultural interfaith family, we deal with this tension between giving and getting, sharing and receiving, serving and being served. By celebrating both Deepavali and Christmas, star birthdays and date birthdays, attending temple and churches we have strived to teach our children the values of service and activism.
Masks and sanitizer, greetings through windows six feet apart.
We have all become untouchable.
Moms that are still with us, aren’t.
Moms that are not with us
are worlds away untouched by time in our memory.
And then there are those moms who cannot escape,
cannot get away because love chases them into the bathroom
and down the halls into the make-shift-office-room zoom calls.
Pandemic Mother’s Day is complicated for moms who wanted to be
and could not no matter how hard they tried and tried and cried
whose bodies couldnot wouldnot become what we wanted them to be.
And the dads who are better moms than our moms could ever be,
mothering isn’t just for moms. Some moms just can’t.
For the lucky ones whose love dripped down the sides of our faces
like ice cream, their joy overflows like spilt milk
on the countertop next to the oreo cookies.
We can still feel their touch and the kisses
in clockwise directions on our faces
filled with laughter or tears, over the years,
those kisses fade into the photos on the wall.
They are now missing from our minds. Gone on this day.
But for the grannies and mimis and granddaddies and pattis and tathas and pappas and mammas that make life just a little sweeter
with drive-by birthdays and package deliveries,
the complications of Mother’s Day are no match
for unbridled love.
Boundless expressions of joy cannot be hid by the hand sewn masks
and poster board signs hurriedly colored while tears fell
making rain marks on homemade cards.
You can see a smile with your heart, if you try.
And so we do. We try. We forgive. We remember. We regret.
Our mothers.
And those who wish our mothers were
something more than they could be,
we sigh and breathe in one more day.
Mother’s Day has always been complicated,
but this year more of us understand why.
Andrew “Cymbal Kid” Pawelczyk with our Son Nishanth
A Friend of the Family, Andrew the Cymbal Kid
One week ago my son’s best friend Andrew Pawelczyk (Pa-Vel-check) was thrust onto an international stage–he is the YouTube sensation “Cymbal Kid”. A month ago during the last middle school band performance, Andrew, an accomplished drummer who usually plays the “quad” 4 drums, was asked to play the cymbals. I was sitting dead center with my husband and daughter while our son sat in the trumpet section at first chair. Continue reading “Learning to think on your feet: Cymbal Kid, Autism, and the Family that Makes Us”→
Lean in to smell the perfumed fragrance of this red rose.
The Garden is Ablaze with Color
These days my garden is blooming with color-reds, pinks, yellows, and especially purples. These warm days of June bring such bountiful beauty I can sit in my rose garden for hours contemplating the mystery of God’s creation around me. The tomatoes have not yet formed. The eggplants and peppers are hopeful flowers blossoming on young plants in delightfully cool mornings awaiting the buzz of bees to bear their fruit in fall. The basil is reaching upwards toward the sun, not yet ready for my Friday pizzas. It is here with the sun on my face, sitting at my garden table, with the breeze dancing among leaves of the cottonwood trees that I feel at peace, a sense of ONENESS with God and the world. This is sacred Sabbath time.Continue reading “My Blooming Garden (Part 2): The Fragrance of God”→
After three years my blackberry bush is producing fruit.
The Garden Teaches us Life Lessons
The garden teaches us many things about life. It teaches us about patience. It takes time for a blackberry bush to grow, to flower and to produce fruit. My blackberry bush is three years old and I think this year I may harvest 20-30 blackberries. Last year we picked 4. Another lesson the garden teaches us is discernment. We must learn to distinguish between plants that will produce food, and plants that will not–of course I am referring to weeds! If we allow the weeds to grow, they will choke out the young tomato and pepper plants. These two lessons are fairly obvious. The third lesson the garden teaches us is a much harder lesson. Continue reading “My Blooming Garden (Part 1)–Thinning Seedlings & Making Space”→
In honor of Earth Day and her 12th birthday, this week’s blog is written by our daughter Nandini. Last April at 11 years old she began fundraising to build clean water wells for kids in remote villages. This is her second year and today she shares her story of the Well India Project.
Nandini is on her way to raising $10,000 to build wells for kids who need it most.
Join me in giving the gift of clean water to people who need it most!
Hi! My name is Nandini and I am celebrating my 12th birthday this month and you can help me give the gift of water.
A community of blossoms on a tree signal the beginning of spring.
Spring inspires us to take on new Adventures.
As the season of spring erupts all around me in the blooming tulips and blossoming trees, I am hearing about people starting new adventures as well. Several of my pastor friends are starting new congregations, and others are teaching historic churches how to create new life. I have friends who are beginning new jobs after long periods of unemployment, and others who are moving into new companies with new responsibilities of leadership. Each of us at some point will enter into a new environment and begin the work of creating a community within. Whether we are involved in new church starts, new jobs, or starting a new venture, I have been thinking about the questions, “How do we create a new community?” and “What makes a community sustainable?”
An experiment in creating a community: a tropical fish tank
Our daughter won a goldfish at a county fair two years ago and remarkably it was still alive at Christmas. As her parents we decided that she was mature enough to have a tropical tank as her Christmas present. For five months now my daughter and I have been hard at work creating a tropical fish tank of community fish. In a very tangible way this experiment in creating a tropical tank has my daughter and I discussing how to start a community, what makes up a good community, and how it can sustain itself. Continue reading “Creating New Communities: Spring flowers, tropical fish tanks, and new church starts.”→
What do we do when we hear the news "you have a tumor?"
Be strong, and let your heart take courage.
These are powerful words. How do I let my heart take courage? So often there are times when the news is so overwhelming that we are filled with fear and trembling especially when we hear the words, “You have a tumor.” How can we take courage in those times?
Learning to Cultivate Hope
It has taken me some time to find my voice again. Recently I became discouraged after I received some disappointing news and I stopped writing in my blog. I am reminded of a time 6 years ago when we heard those words, “You have a tumor.” As pastors we are to be cultivators of hope and promise–faith and joy. But what happens when life seems to be filled with more downs than ups? How can we learn to cultivate hope in the midst of adversity? Continue reading “When Cancer Strikes the Family: Turning Adversity into an Adventure”→
Last week I was standing in line at a toy store and I saw a little boy about three years old very excited about the present his dad was buying for him. You might imagine it was a car or truck, maybe a building set, or even a sword or light saber. Any of these would have been expected for a little boy to be excited about, but to my surprise this boy was delighted to have a kid sized broom and dustpan. Like many kids, he wanted to hold his new toy while standing in line. He took the broom and began sweeping the floor and singing…”Clean up, clean up, every body do you share. Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere.” I was amazed by the sheer enthusiasm this child had for doing his share and getting to work cleaning up messes on the floor. Generally speaking kids and adults alike do not like cleaning up messes.
Give your kid the best chance for success and plan for failure.
One of the best pieces of advice I got as a mom of toddlers was to give them the best chance of success and plan for failure. What do I mean? When we bought our new home the dining room was carpeted. The highchair sat on carpet and three times a day our son would throw food on the floor and we would have to get down on our knees and dig the food and crumbs out of the fibers. The carpet was never really clean and so we were upset every time our kid did what kids do, make messes. We decided to pull up the carpet and put in a hardwood floor.
When the floor was installed, I was as excited as that little boy in the toy store was to sweep up the messes my kids made. What once was a headache and chore became easier to manage and my attitude was much happier. The broom was always close by. We planned for failure when they were learning how to drink as well. We gave our kids tiny steel cups to drink from and put about a tablespoon of liquid in the bottom. If they spilled it, it was no big deal to wipe up. If they drank it quickly, we would give them a refill. When my son fought to hold the spoon I was feeding him with, I gave him his own spoon too. Two spoons allowed for us to be successful. Two spoons changed my relationship with my son. No more fights…for now. Continue reading “When the Principal Calls—Helping a Good Kid get Back on Track”→
Every Day Life, Every Day Faith 